“Motherhood is a Blessing”
“We reproduce because the homo sapiens have to survive and evolve…”
This is coming from Dr. Anchal Gupta, mother of a three-year-old daughter who’s an Eye Surgeon & runs an NGO & a business venture from New Delhi. She’s an interesting take on Motherhood- ” I thoroughly enjoy being a mom, and thoroughly hate being one, that’s the sheer contrast of motherhood. What a heap of trough and crest of emotions it makes us go through, like it’s a blessing to see them sleep, and it’s a nightmare to put them to sleep. I wish I suffered dementia to what had happened to me in the initial few months, I would have loved my child more, not that I love her less! I still remember someone telling me at the end of three months of my daughters birth, how time flies, and I was like , only I know how each second matters when your child denies to close her eyes at 3am, and you also have a surgery to perform at 9am, each second feels like an year. . Yes the first three years were impossible, especially if you are working, in nuclear family and with practically no support but maids.”
Not Easy to Handle the Physical Changes
“Of all the stages of parenting the initial few months were a nightmare, with a nurse holding your boobs to tell you how to feed and a sister coming everyday to clean your episiotomy, you realize how asexual you have become, needless to mention the falling hair and leaky boobs and the sagging skin. It’s difficult to deal with but then the beauty of having your own child is unmatchable to any joy, no success can give you as much pleasure as to see your child grow, something I’ll tell my best friend (just the favourite one) and to go for it…”
Another Round of Pregnancy?
” Never! I’ll be my daughters best friend, I will bring children of my closest friends together, thankfully they all being in same age group, to mimic siblings but I can’t bear a second child. No, not again. Not me. Further adding that Reproduction is the reason why we are surviving; whatever emotional reason we try to associate with motherhood, the fact is we reproduce because the homo sapiens have to survive and evolve,” sums Dr. Anchal.
“Not OK, It’s the same routine and no social life…”
Feels Atika Singhal Jain, mother of a year-old son & a working mom in the field of Public Relations in Mumbai. ” I had tremendous mood swings and restlessness in first 4-5 months. No, I was not ok with it (pregnancy), but my family helped me through it. One thing that helped me throughout pregnancy and post delivery was me reading about the phases and that knowledge helped me accepting it naturally. The pregnancy classes I took also helped me in understanding that these changes are natural and I need to learn to accept them. In India generally women are been forced with lot of taboos and customs, I feel sometimes these rituals and customs makes it more depressing.
Daddy Dates are a Must
Being a working mom, Atika feels that mothers need a break. ” Yes I am a working mom. To some extent I feel that I have lost my confidence due to same routine and no social life. In this condition I would say it’s your family that plays important role, especially your husband. They need to be supportive enough to give you a break once in a month or a vacation, a pampering session and daddy dates. Motherhood is an endless journey but mothers needs to understand that there child is not there only world. However rude it is, but we have to priorities ourselves, maybe by opting career or hobby classes. We have to have guilt-free leisure time to not feel motherhood as burden and enjoy both phases of life.
Best & Worst of Motherhood
” To see a little human loving you unconditionally and wanting more and more of you that actually nobody makes you feel this consistently. I feel ever since I got the news of me being pregnant it has made a better person overall and more kind. But the worst is sleepless nights due to midnight feeding sessions. Eating out no more interest me because I know my baby will be making the dining table his playing arena. We have started ordering food more now, and yes, no booze and no night outs” adds Atika. ” Still I will definitely recommend motherhood to every woman on earth. It teaches you so much patience, makes you a better person overall.
“There is nothing which I hate being a mother…”
Says Neha Thapliyal, mum to a 10-month-old daughter, from Delhi. ” I don’t think motherhood is a thankless or an endless journey, if people around you appreciate you, it becomes a beautiful journey with a very well rewarded future in your child. My initial few months were tough but with time it becomes easy. I was pretty okay with my physical changes. My daughter is 10 months old, and trust me it is the most physically challenging phase, as she has started crawling and trying to walk as well. What I enjoy the best is that moment when she just wants to come and hug you or just look into your eyes and burst out laughing. However, sometimes I wish I get rest well enough to enjoy the company of my child without feeling too tired.
Won’t Recommend Motherhood
” For me motherhood has everything to do with how much mentally and physically you are able to invest in your child. Since every woman has her own way of thinking and so to each her own, I won’t recommend it to someone. Everyone have their own priorities and their own mental and physical state of doing things at their own accord. Motherhood depends on how you take it. I won’t deny the fact that it does make your freedom go away for few months, or maybe a year. However, if your partner is understanding and supportive you can easily come over these things. I did the same way. Times are changing and not every women wants to go through this, they keep adoption an option, and I think that it’s perfectly fine as everyone has their own life and choices to live with,” sums Neha.
“Every Woman Should Experience it…”
This is what Pooja Gupta, mother of a seven-month-old daughter feels who’s on a Sabbatical from her full-time profession these days. ” Carrying your baby in your tummy for 9 months and finally carrying her in your arms thinking you created this beautiful creature inside you. It’s the most awesome n proud feeling. Every woman should experience this once. Yes, I’m a sleep-deprived mom, but still for me the whole journey has been really beautiful. Mine was c-sec so initial few months were very tough. I seriously had a panic attack that how would I be taking care of my little one without any elderly help. It was a great learning experience and now i am a more confident mother.
I feel Unproductive, Bored…
I have been working since 12th, have been independent since beginning so somewhere I feel unproductive, bored and there is the difference in my looks and personality. It used to be important to me earlier but I guess, when you become a mother you feel all these can be achieved later when she starts going to school. Right now she needs my attention. To tackle the boredom I do small projects as a freelance from home but nothing too engaging.
Pooja sums by sharing this insight, ” Being a mother is a selfless job right from the beginning. You bear pain to bring the kid into this world, you exhaust and sleep deprive yourself to grow them. I guess it’s our choice to bring our kid into this world for our own happiness. I guess if they are thankful to you it’s great and if they are not that’s ok. They never asked us to bring them to this world. That was our choice.”
“Motherhood is the most unglamorous, thankless, never-ending job…”
Feels Vishakha Talreja, mum to a nine-month-old son, and a Journalist turned full-time Travel Blogger & Entrepreneur. ” They are so many friends of mine who are ‘confused’ about having a child. Let me end that confusion by giving them this advice, ‘Please don’t have babies. Stay childfree.’ Becoming a mother is a huge life changing event and in today’s day and time it’s a tough job. Most of us have nuclear families and not a big household where there are grandparents and aunts to take care of the baby. It’s an expensive proposition as well. I love my child to bits, but that doesn’t mean I’ll lie to you or get all poetic about being a mother. Motherhood indeed is the most unglamorous, thankless, never ending job. You are better off without it,” says Vishakha.
“But there are so many beautiful moments that motherhood offers. The best moment for me was to see my baby for the very first time. Since I had a natural delivery I actually saw him come out of me… tiny, little, beautiful creature. That moment will forever be etched in my mind, how all the pain gave way to relief and happiness.”
Difficult to Cope up with Physical Changes
“Thankfully, I am blessed with good genes and in no time I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight and shape. I didn’t get stretch marks either and because it was a natural delivery, I was mobile quite soon. But because I was breastfeeding my child, I felt tired. I was sleep deprived and haggard. Even though I was thin, my body didn’t look toned. More than body, it was mental and emotional change that I was not ok with. I had to be home most days breastfeeding him, changing nappies and entertaining him. Whole life had changed and such a change initially is difficult to cope with. I now totally understand why so many women suffer from postpartum depression.
I am a Travel Writer, but I have curtailed my travelling
Vishakha feels that she’s not an overtly ambitious woman, and enjoy what she does. Despite this, she has some limitations of motherhood. ” I enjoy what I do. Being an entrepreneur it was easy to work from home. Right after 7 days of my delivery, I was back at work doing social media campaigns ( from my bed). So even though I followed the 40- day confinement period, I could still work from home. But you are right there are setbacks. Even though I am a travel writer, I have curtailed my travelling. I am yet to take a trip without my little explorer. He’s been with me on all my trips. So I have been able to travel very little,” sums Vishakha.
“I Never Wanted to be a Mother But had to go for it…”
Candidly shares Divya Pahwa*, a working woman with an MNC in Mumbai and a mum to a two-year old son. ” Yes, you may find it difficult to accept but I never ever wished to be a mother. Being from a conservative family and married to one, I had to go for it. Today both the set of my parents are happy so.. ya that’s it!”
Divya further adds,” No wonder, pregnancy had it’s impact on my tougher identity and I enjoyed it in bits and pieces. Seeing the baby in your arms was a wonderful experience but somewhere I never wanted all that. I feel, not every woman is meant to procreate and it’s better to leave her just like that. I love my freedom and somehow I feel motherhood has anchored me, which I never wanted.”
I’m Still a Dutiful Mom…
” Just because I didn’t wish to go for motherhood doesn’t mean I’m not dutiful. I took sabbatical and single-handedly took care of my son in the initial few months. I recently got back to work full-time once I had a proper nanny arrangement at home front. Thankfully I have a very supportive husband who pitches in when I’m travelling for work,” tells Divya.
Women Feel More Acceptable Post Becoming a Mum
” I somehow feel that many women wish to be a mother because they feel more acceptable in society and family. There is this confusion in many, whether to go for it or not. I always knew I didn’t wish for it and I’ll be honest about it to my child in future too. It’s a beautiful experience if only you wish to have it and are mentally prepared for it. It can be a nightmare otherwise and many women suffer because of motherhood pressure,” sums Divya.
It’s interesting to see how today’s woman is dealing with motherhood. Be it a Mother’s Day or not, we all know that the multi-tasking you sure deserves a shout out each day… Happy Mother’s Day to you all!
(*Name Changed as requested)